Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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