I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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