I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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