That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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