Will you blow on my dice?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
