do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
