I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm sobbing to NWA
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
