i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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