we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
