I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
