I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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