A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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