woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
