I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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