Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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