Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
