My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
