did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
