Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
