how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
