I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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