So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
