It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
