addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
