Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
