I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
