new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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