My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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