i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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