I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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