she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
