I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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