He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
