based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
