My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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