Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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