i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
