Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
