Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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