Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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