It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
