I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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