would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
