I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
My bed smells like the plague
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