I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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