It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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