WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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