"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
