if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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