you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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