Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
...so i touched it.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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