At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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