i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
